Fowl Play has Released! (Why yes, this is a Sneaky Kitty Critic Newsletter… on the blog!)

Dear humans,

Thanks to yahoo sending an unfortunate number of spam reports to the server, the Furred & Finned Management has made the decision to publish ‘newsletters’ to their website instead. (Those of you subscribed will still get a copy to your emails, too.) Honestly, we think this will be great for everyone. It’ll save the Sneaky Kitty Critic time (and effort) while also making sure as many people possible get a chance to enjoy our shenanigans!

What it won’t do is grant cats (or fish) the ability to spell. We’d be a lot more sorry about this then we are if we could actually spell in the first place. But we’re cats. (Or fish.)

Spelling is obviously beneath us. We’ll leave that to the human.

Who, for some reason we can’t fathom, is snarling curses at us for making her life more difficult. We’re cats, and frankly, she needs to stop asking for miracles. Miracles are what lead silly humans like her straight to disappointment.

So much disappointment.

She really does only have herself to blame.

So! Those familiar with the Furred & Finned Management know that we only send missives for special announcements and new releases. There is a new release today! But… we’re going to be jerkface cats and get back to the whole new release thing later. We have a special announcement to make first.

Blending In will be a $2.99 preorder special. Due to the length of the book, shortly following release, the book’s price will be increased to $3.99. The human had a brain fart when setting up the preorder, and honestly, she should have started the book’s life at the $3.99 price point. But, after careful consideration, she decided whatever. It’s a holiday book. It can stay at $2.99 until release.

So, if you want to save a buck, preorder now or make sure you’re up really early in the morning on November 20 so you can grab your copy before the price is changed. (Don’t use Amazon? You can order Blending In from iBooks, Barnes & Noble/Nook, or Kobo as well.)

Since we’re on the subject of preorders, we have an announcement some folks aren’t going to like. We’re sorry. After the preorder cycles for No Kitten Around, Blending In, and Cheetahs Never Win come to a close, the human will only do one or two preorders a year. This will let her focus more on writing books and less on the business behind writing books. It’ll also make her life a little less hectic. There won’t even be any short preorders.

We’ll still send newsletters when books release, but for the sake of her sanity (and for writing better books with less heartache,) preorders are mostly going the way of the dodo.

Grave Humor, which will release on May 16, 2019, will have a preorder cycle.

Everything else will release as the human finishes with it. Ultimately, this means you’ll get books into your paws a smidgeon faster.

Here are the books the human is currently working on, in no particular order:

Burn, Baby, Burn: Quinn & Bailey’s second book. (This will differ from standard Magical Romantic Comedies (with a body count) because Quinn and Bailey will both sit in the driver’s seat throughout the novel. So far, they’re alternating shorter scenes, but we’ll see how it goes as it goes. In any case, the scenes will be clearly marked with the name of the character in the driver’s seat.

Storm Called: Pat & Jessica’s novel in the Royal States world. This is a prequel novel. Yes, Pat’s glorious fainting event is in the book. (As if our human would write their book without including when the main character faints. Really. Don’t be silly, humans. Of COURSE it’s in there.)

Super Sekrit Contemporary Romantic Comedy Novel: Our human is desperately trying to be sneaky about this book, although ultimately, she’ll probably cave and reveal who she’s writing as this time. She, so far, has a handful of these little buggers planned, and she’s going to write a few of them next year when she needs a break from the regular writing.

Cold Flame: Rachel of New York’s novel, and it’ll involve some scamp of a prince from California. This is quite possibly the most dysfunctional couple of the Royal States world, but neither has any fucks left to give about being functional, so perhaps it’s for the best. Also, Rachel probably needs to check herself into a mental institution for a vacation. She’s a little fucking crazy, y’all. But no wonder. She’s fun, though. Even though she’s totally not what the Furred and Finned Management would consider mentally sound or stable.

The Royal States should probably be concerned when the pyromaniac psychopath is the best candidate to rule New York…

Cheetahs Never Win: The Furred & Finned Management would like to state it’s pretty obvious the human is working on this one as it’s due to the editor no later than October 22, 2018.

Blending In/No Kitten Around: See the note about Cheetahs Never Win.

Blood Bound: Vampires, RJ Blain style. Need we say more?

See the Picture for a visual hint of what she’s also working on.

And now… for a SUPER special announcement:

The Magical Romantic Comedy books will be coming to an audiobook player near you soon…ish. The Furred & Finned Management is pleased to announce the human has found a super badass group of people to handle the production and voicing of the series. She’s still in the negotiation phase, but she can’t wait to be able to announce when she can share the details with you.

You asked… you have received.

Just be patient with us, as this will be a time-consuming endeavor.

While we know you love us, humans, our human needs her magical glowy rectangle box back because she needs to do this thing called ‘work’ and we don’t get fed if she doesn’t get the ‘work’ done. We’re sorry this is short and not as funny as usual.

Blame the human, she’s a slacker mcslackass.

Now… last but not least… Fowl Play has released! You can get your copy now at Amazon, iBooks, Barnes & Noble/Nook, and Kobo!

About the Book:

Warning: This novella contains humor, romance, magic, puns, bodies, and a short detour from reality. No plots were harmed in the making of this story.

Instead of a quiet dance retreat where she could escape the insanity of being the daughter of an angel, a succubus, and a lycanthrope, Emma Sansaul plummets into the middle of murder, mayhem, and mischief. As becoming the next victim of a crazed serial killer is not on her itinerary, she’s left with no choice but to join forces with Agent Kenneth Bernard to find the murderer, the one man on Earth capable of making her hissing mad one second and in need of a cold shower the next.

From Chapter One:

Normal people worried about delays at the airport, dealing with security, and other travel snarls when heading off on an adventure. Me?

One of my mothers was a succubus, and she’d brought home an incubus for me to enjoy. Like all his demonic kin, he was a dark beauty oozing sin with a dash of temptation, offering everything a girl could want and more. If I didn’t get the hell out of Dodge, I’d miss my flight, lose my virginity, and discover the joys of having an on-call incubus.

Heaven help me.

“No, Mom.” I pointed at the incubus, whose grin promised the immediate disintegration of my panties if I let him get anywhere near me. “What have I told you about bringing random incubi home?”

“You keep telling me not to do it like you actually get a say in the matter. This is my house, young lady. And in my house, I’ll bring home company whenever I want.”

Why, why, why did I have an angel for a mother, a succubus for a mother, and a bloody, feather-brained lycanthrope for a father? I thought a little screaming was warranted, so I started with my father. “Dad!? Mom brought home an incubus again.”

“Talk to your other mother, Emma,” my father yelled back from across the house. “I’m busy with the chicks right now.”

Damned feather-brained, chicken-obsessed idiot of a swan!

“Language!” Ma ordered from up the stairs, proving I had an unwanted snoop poking around in my thoughts again.

“Ma, Mom’s going to make me late for the airport. Can you please deal with this situation?”

“You’re still dressed, he’s not influencing you, and despite your current belief, he won’t actually disintegrate your panties. Stop being such a baby. Maybe if you wouldn’t run every time your mom brought home a guest, she wouldn’t find it so amusing to bring guests home with her.”

“You’re a fallen angel, aren’t you? There’s no other explanation.” I bowed my head, wondered how I’d make the thirty feet to my car without being ambushed, further delayed, or otherwise blocked from going to Boulder, Colorado to practice dancing and escape from the monotony of set performances at the theater.

“No, I’m just fair, and for once in her life, your mom hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“Yet! She hasn’t done anything wrong yet.”

“Louisa, perhaps you should take your pet incubus home. You know how cranky George gets when you bring home an incubus for Emma. Can we go one day without having an incident in this house, please?”

Mom scowled, lashing her tail and clamping her wings close to her back. “Damn it! I went through a lot of effort to catch this one.”

Once my mothers started going at it, nothing short of divine intervention would stop them. Mouthing an apology to the bemused incubus, I snatched my luggage and retreated out the front door.

Some days, living with telepaths and empaths annoyed the hell out of me, but once they started duking it out in the privacy of their thoughts, the world could end without either one noticing.

“Have a safe flight, Miss Emma.” The incubus held the front door open for me. “The combination for the lock on your steering wheel is 4-2-7-1.”

“I don’t have a clue who you are, but you’re now my friend.”

“Call me Rafil.”

“Like Israfil?” Having met the archangel, if he ever found out there was a cheeky incubus edging in on his turf, it’d get ugly. With my luck, it’d happen in my house, as my mothers had no shame and enjoyed their power plays as much as my father enjoyed watching them.

I’d been born into a family of raving lunatics.

The incubus’s grin confirmed my fears. “I live to yank his chain. It keeps him on his toes. If you change your mind and want to play with me, give me a call. I’d be glad to introduce you to the true pleasures of life.”

I bolted for my car like the devil himself was hot on my heels. I contemplated murdering Mom when I saw the chain wrapped around my steering wheel, which ran out the window to loop through my rim, ensuring I wouldn’t be going anywhere without the combination. The number worked. I dumped the mess on the lawn for my mom to clean up, shoved my bags into the backseat, and bailed before my parents could stop me.

Like what you read? We certainly hope so. As we like being fed, we encourage you to buy your copy now at Amazon, iBooks, Barnes & Noble/Nook, and Kobo!

We also hope you enjoyed the random pictures of us scattered throughout this text.

What can I say? We’re cats.

Oh, an update on the pesky Finned portion of our management team…

Desmond and Landen are now sharing the divided tank, and they love having company. The baby fish trolls the old fish, and the old fish adores having someone to display for. We’d show you a picture, but the website is so jealous over their awesome it won’t upload the images today. We’re sorry. We’ll try again next newsletter to show how cute they are.

Have a great day, humans!

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