Princess here. Hear me Rawr!
The humans are buzzing with activity, it’s entirely possible they’ll be fully insane before Thursday rolls around, and my new sister and I are more than ready for them to go to vacation and leave us in the care of saner humans.
We’ve been promised there will be toys to play with and we can visit each other as we want. That’s good enough. Also, we’ll be fed. We like being fed. Being fed is important.
In a moment of pure idiocy, the female opened her laptop and overwrote some important files on her main computer. The instant after she did it, she rage flipped the nearest object and shrieked. The male human was not impressed with her error.
She wasn’t impressed, either.
One of the documents was her meticulously registered budget with her invoices and spending all neatly organized.
I laughed some more.
She then muttered something about fucking the budget with a pointy stick.
She may have looked the male in the eyes and said something about fucking the budget with a pointy stick. Apparently, she’d been saving / holding money back for future purchases, and… she can’t remember the amounts she’d been reserving.
In other news, the female has done massive amounts of packing. The male doesn’t know this yet, but her lap desk fits in her luggage, and she is taking it. (It’s only $25 to replace if it’s lost, and the store still carried the same model three weeks ago, so she’s willing to take the risk!)
She’s still debating which play project to bring along. Hypnos is coming along for the ride, but she figures she will also work on something fun, too.
The backpack of holding will only carry so many devices and journals. This is a tragedy.
But the backpack of holding is pink, so the female is happy. Her passport holder is also pink. Her phone case is pink.
Even some of her new clothes? Pink.
Her new walking shoes boot things are blue and cherry red, but she’s viewing the cherry red as a bloodied pink. Those shoes are sketchy. (But they’re not Sketchers. They’re Columbia, and they’re better than walking on clouds. Female really likes them so far. Bonus: her feet haven’t been chewed alive yet. And she can (badly) run in them. She’s just bad at running.)
She got a portable battery for her devices because she’s expected to use her phone for most pictures. She may have done a full display of dominance to get her way, much to the male’s dismay. She won. Male retreated, terror in his eyes over female’s reaction to the potential of running her phone battery dead while taking pictures.
The battery should charge her phone 7 times before it needs to be charged. Adapters to use UK outlets arrive today along with a few final articles of clothing.
General verdict: the humans are ready to go forth and adventure!
They’re very excited.
For those of you who enjoy contests, there is one going on with a Vampire Diaries prize pack you may enjoy. You’ll be required to sign up for newsletters for a chance to win. But they’re book-related newsletters, and that’s a glorious thing! (Tip: you can get extra entries by following peeps on places like Amazon or Bookbub. The female has three follower thingies in this one: Susan Copperfield, RJ Blain, and Bernadette Franklin on the Bubs of the Books. So, if you want some easy extra entries, look for those and click the buttons.
You’ll make the female happy!
In other news, here’s an update on all things writing related:
Storm Called releases on February 26, 2019. You can preorder on Amazon or at other major retailers. This is a prequel novel that takes place as the Royal States is becoming the Royal States, and it features Pat (of Texas) before he became a king. It’s fun, it’s silly, and if you like the Magical Romantic Comedy novels, you might like this one because it has a similar vibe in some cases. (Also, we recommend you eat before reading. You may become hungry.)
He does like to cook, after all.
So, if you like fun, lighter stories about two people falling in love, and having a few hiccups on the way… or if you like horses… this book is probably for you.
Shammed releases on March 14, 2019. You can preorder on Amazon or at other major retailers. Shammed is loosely St. Patrick’s Day themed, and it involves two people of questionable Irish descent pranking each other because they’re hopeless and don’t understand how flirting works.
This one doesn’t have any magic, but if you have ever wondered what a ten thousand dollar toilet can do, you’ll find out. Also, this book contains an obscene amount of glitter. So much glitter. So much glitter.
The lead characters of Claustrophobic play major roles in Shammed, so it wouldn’t hurt to read Claustrophobic first. That said, you’ll figure it out even if you haven’t read Claustrophobic already.
Yes, yes. We heard you. Mrs. Carter is in Shammed. Yes, she’s her same old glorious self. Yes, did you really think Mrs. Carter wouldn’t show up in a story about people pranking each other?
Hypnos releases on April 23, 2019. You can preorder on Amazon or at other major retailers. This is the human’s next main series, and it’s going to be a blast. You can read the opener for the book here. There is also a kickstarter for Burn, Baby, Burn: a Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) and Hypnos going on right now. This will be the only way you can get autographed copies of Burn, Baby, Burn in hardback or paperback until sometime next year. There will be one or two kickstarters a year to give people a chance to get books for their collection. Otherwise, you’ll have to join giveaways we run on the main page for a chance to get one.
Burn, Baby, Burn: a Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) will release on May 14, 2019. Preorder will be available soonish. (Read: the female is loading the preorder to all vendor sites on February 13, 2019. Yes. That is tomorrow.) The next Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) will release in 2020.
It’ll probably be Grave Humor, and it’ll probably be on May 16, 2020. The only way another one is releasing sooner is if some insane miracle happens with Burn, Baby, Burn, which we’re not expecting. (Translation: if Burn, Baby, Burn hits USA Today, the human will change her mind about the release schedule and bump some form of Mag Rom Com for a December 2019 release or earlier. No promises which book. Considering her best new release of a book has been 1,500 sales shy of listing, that’s probably not happening, but since people were asking what it would take to change the female’s mind, this is what she has decided.)
Yes, the female is a fair being and she will be doing paid advertisements to promote Burn, Baby, Burn. (That’s only fair if she’s setting the bar that high. She needs to pull her weight, too!)
(For the readers curious, to hit USA Today, you need approximately 5,000 sales on Amazon alone, and you need at least 250+ sales on one other wide vendor. (So, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books… I have no idea if Google Play reports or not.) The 250+ figure is roughly how many sales it takes to get one of these vendors to report to USA Today that the book is qualified to make the list.
Also, the human, to be fair, is releasing the book on May 14 instead of May 16. The book has a seven day window to hit USA Today, Tuesday preorders count on Monday as a sale, so that gives the book a chance to actually qualify. It would have fewer days to qualify otherwise. And she tries to be fair.
We’re just going to pretend it released on her birthday, okay?
Yes, Burn, Baby, Burn is Bailey and Quinn #2. Yes, it has a napalm scene. Yes, it has Quinn as a POV character. Yes, she’ll be a unicorn. Yes, there are puppies and kittens. Yes, you’ll get to see some of Quinn’s crazy family. Yes, Perky is back. Yes, you’ll get to meet Perky’s wife. Bailey calls her Perkette. (Her name is Tiffany.)
Yes, you will find out about Bailey’s heritage. No, nobody really understands the convoluted relationships required for Quinn to have been born.
Yes, there’s something about an actual wedding somewhere in this book somewhere. It’s probably not what you’re expecting. Well, unless you’re expecting shenanigans, a brawl, and possibly property damage, in which case it probably is what you’re expecting.
Yes, you’ll find out more about what happened to the concrete cake Bailey incinerated.
No, you won’t find out more about Mary the Barista Fairy.
If you ever wanted to know what a brassault is, you’ll want to read the book.
Expect another blog post tomorrow with information/links for Burn, Baby, Burn.
You may return to your previously scheduled programming. Happy Reading, Humans!