This is a candid post regarding the consequences and challenges of chronic pain and illness. As I’ve had some issues with petty little children who think others aren’t allowed to also have mental illness or chronic pain if it isn’t as severe as theirs or someone they know, I’m going to be blunt:
Mental illness and chronic pain isn’t a competition. If your thought process at all involves, “Well, $this_person has it worse,” that makes you a dick.
Good. It wasn’t up for discussion.
I have anxiety and depression, both of which have been generally crippling as of late. Essentially, my doctor wanted to do a complete physical. My doctor has proven he’s a prejudiced-against-women dick. Hooray.
Enter the anxiety. For the past 1.5-2 months, I have been hit with crippling anxiety. It is the kind of anxiety where it takes a huge amount of effort or willpower to get anything done.
I am literally behind on everything. I managed to get SOME stuff done on the kickstarter, but I have a mountain of things to do… and the “This is so much work” paralysis, which was created by the doctor-induced paralysis, is very real.
For over a month and a half, I basically lost a lot of base functionality.
Then, from left field, came the surprise bathroom renovations. Which turned out to be just faucet/showerhead replacements. It took five minutes. It shut me down (cleaning, etc) for a week. But we got cleaning done and then we kept what we got cleaned cleaned, which is basically a miracle for me and my spouse.
Then we got surprise inspections. We had 72 hours of warning.
They decided to invoke the “we can evict you if the place isn’t basically home-selling condition worthy.” Mostly targeted at those who weren’t paying their rent at COVID, but… yeah.
Talk about more stress that I did not need.
We had a lot of knick-knack based clutter, and we were informed we had a week to clean it up/get rid of a bunch of stuff or we might be evicted. (Ugh. It wasn’t like my boxes, which I was trying to keep for the kickstarter as shipping containers, or my knick-knacks, which are just STUFF I LIKE, was causing anyone any problems.) But their property, their rules.
The inspection happened at the same time as the anxiety-inducing doctor appointment from hell, in which the asshole doctor basically suggested I should just stop eating because you know, 1,500 calories a day for a 180 pound female is grossly overeating. (He just assumed all I did all day was eat apparently.)
If finding a doctor here wasn’t a living nightmare, I’d just fire him and find someone else in network, but there’s basically no one else to find, so I’m stuck with the doctor someone else fired because he’s a complete and total jackass.
Let’s just say it took two doctor’s visits and repeatedly showing him I CANNOT STRAIGHTEN MY ARM to convince him MAYBE I needed the physical therapist I requested the first time.
He refused to look at my diet, after telling me I should stop eating, so… yeah. I’m STILL struggling with that doctor’s visit to say the least. Can’t figure him because I have medications that keep me alive. Can’t deal with him because how so very dare me for eating any food at all.
He’s one of those types who doesn’t even think writing is a legitimate career, so obviously I have plenty of time to do everything he thinks is The Way.
Yeah, I am not precisely pleased with my doctor.
Oh, guess what. I had cramps and hormonal imbalance problems. That automatically meant I Definitely Had PCOS, y’all.
Guess who does not have PCOS: me.
PCOS is not mystically completely and totally cured with a hormonal controlling birth control. I had a basic imbalance issue coupled with Slavic genetics. A few symptoms overlap with PCOS, but GUESS WHAT, no PC on the O, ZERO evidence of there ever being that… No PCOS.
But it was PCOS, y’all.
Fun fact: he did the ovary PCOS test TWICE because he couldn’t believe there were no PC on the O… so he’s basically trying to eject my goddamned ovaries through my spine, and of COURSE it doesn’t hurt (because I do not have PCOS), and let’s just say yay, doctors who don’t listen.
If you are a doctor, and this offends you… perhaps tell your fellow doctors to start learning to listen to their fucking patients.
I directly told this gentleman no, I do not have PCOS, so what you’re doing is utterly pointless…
Yeah. I’m STILL trying to mentally and emotionally recover from that shitshow. I’m just starting to get back on my feet. Barely.
And my designer had COVID, so she was sidelined. Hooray. So, if you’re wondering why I’m behind… this is why I’m behind.
I’m trying to get back in the saddle, but… it hasn’t been going well. But I’m trying.
Oy, oy, oy.
I’m hoping to have the first wave of kickstarter stuff going out on Sept 17. This should include most single book orders, all dropcard orders (They’ve been found/recovered, etc.) I have to write the story this week for the exclusive kickstarter story, and I’m JUST getting back in the saddle on getting any writing done.
At least I’m up from zero ideas of what to write up to like three ideas, but they’re all pretty quirky.
Wish me luck. I need it.